Reply from Mr John, Child's Age xx - 1/3/03 - IP#: 67.28.91.83Sharon: Good for you! Now with your understanding, do not lose your focus. Keep calm. No need for you to argue your role as parent and caregiver of your 9yo. I do not like to write contingent ideas, but with the circumstances, I have a couple that may help all around. First let me say that I disagree that Maggie was overeacting. After all, Maggie was quoting and really set the tone for you to consider. Secondly, I would discount what happened at 4yo experience. That's history, maybe talk to neighbor. So, let's go! Unless you have already begun, I would suggest you do your diapering, etc. for the first couple of days on the sofa or other than the youngster's personal bed(use a towel or pad under him always). Why? He MAY resist your own intent and he MAY cry and be unhappy and so on. Then if he is going to bed, tuck him in, give a big goodnight and kiss, assure him he will be comfortable and let him be. ALL OF THIS in my opinion is to never, ever...never send him to his bed for punishment or discipline(the bedroom is OK, not the bed). His bed should remain a safe haven of warmth, comfort, and security which at the moment he needs perhaps. After a few days, his bed is an OK place to get him dressed for bed or other activity....Further, you are close to your girlfriend and she is interested in this. DO ASK her to leave the room during diapering for the first few, so that your youngster feels at ease quicker. Later on, you can slowly get him used to the company and even tell him that "Aunty" is going to help tonight as you need the help. I was intending to get into subject of "rules", but will have to wait for another post. I don't care to make these too long. One loses concentration. But I thought it might let you yourself feel at ease. Hope this helps and talk to us if you need added advice. Regards.....Mr John |