Reply from Tom, Child's Age N/A - 1/5/03 - IP#: 68.11.136.6Hi - I'm the other Tom, the one that posted twice on 12/31. Your last post was an eye-opener but still doesn't give enough information to put all the pieces together; you may never get all the pieces, but the latest bit offers a few more clues. Your former husband was a bedwetter until his teens. The rule of thumb is that in hereditary bedwetting the child usually quits about the same age that the parent did - not always but more often than not, so you may have a few more years to deal with. Your former husband also enjoyed diapers and you couldn't deal with two babies, but you don't say if that contributed to the divorce or how old your son was when you split up. If your son was old enough to overhear, and understand, any arguments about his father's use of diapers that you considered inappropriate, then he might have developed his aversion to them from that; believing that you consider use of diapers by anyone older than a baby to be unacceptable. You also said his father's attitude played a role in his not getting the hang of potty training. Maybe his father's attitude was "If getting to the toilet is inconvenient, just use a diaper." Then, realizing that his father's behavior was unacceptable to you, your son decided to not use diapers - ever. If all this sounds complicated, it's because it is; you may never put your finger on exactly what it was that caused your son's aversion to diapers. Most kids that wet the bed are glad to get anything that helps keep the bed dry at night, any refusal to do so probably means that the child has picked up the belief that use of diapers or other absorbent products is unacceptable in older children. I believe you are moving in the right direction with the agreement with your son that you described. If he lives up to the agreement he will either wind up in diapers or quit bedwetting, either of which is an accepteble solution at the moment. I believe he will be in diapers because I think the bedwetting is real based on his family history, and not something he is doing out of laziness. Daytime wetting is another issue, I don't think there is enough information to even make a suggestion there. One word of warning: I have read posts from both kids and parents on this board and others that long term use of diapers, even though they are necessary, can result in dependence on them and the person refuses to give them up when they are no longer needed. This may not happen that often, but it does happen sometimes and may have happened to your ex-husband. If your son does use diapers, make sure that they are only used when needed, and don't treat him like a baby or let him act like one. I know this doesn't answer all your questions but I don't think anyone can without more information. I do hope you get everything sorted out soon. |