First, for those who read my posting on 7/8/03 in reply to Bob's posting on 7/1/03, you will note two things: (1) I was angry! (Boy, did I kill that thread!) and (2) I had a horrendous childhood partially as a result of my bedwetting. Since my discharge from the Marines and entrance to college in 1979 I have spent a great deal of time researching both bedwetting and paraphilias (the word pdocs use to describe sexual fetishes) in order to understand and come to grips with my problems. May I be permitted to share with all of you some of what I have learned? First, so you know where I am coming from, ever since I was 14 I have engaged in autonepiaphilia - a fancy term that means I have been a diaper fetishist. (This was strictly a private affair and the cause of a lot of shame until I discovered alt.sex.fetish.diapers on the usenet and found that there were quite a few others like me.) There are three main causes of the fetish in males. The first, and worst, is the result of parents/caretakers taking a punishing/humiliating attitude towards their child's toileting problems. This isn't just making the child wear diapers, but encompasses other demeaning and humiliating punishments. Some examples from my life will illustrate. I was six years old when I was put back in diapers for bedwetting. Believe it or not, this really did not bother me. (However, my sister - who was eight and put in them at the same time - was definitely upset.) The first night my Mother put them on us, the second night my sister put her own on and then mine, and the third night we both put our own on. (Yes, at six years old a child is capable of pinning on their own cloth diapers and putting on plastic pants. I will address those who insist on diapering their kids into their teens shortly.) Had it gone no further, I doubt very seriously any fetish would have developed. Unfortunately, my dad was just getting started. Over the next couple of months - in order to "teach" us that bedwetting was "wrong" (he told us later) - dad instituted the following punishments: when we were wet (which was not every morning) we had to remove our diapers and stand in the hall naked for a diaper check, wait while dad filled the bathtub with cool water (he didn't want us using up the hot water he needed for shaving), receive a bare bottom whipping with the belt, and then take our bath. After breakfast (or after school) we washed our diapers and plastic pants (and sheets and pajamas if they got wet) in the bathtub and hung them out to dry on the clothesline for neighbors to see. We were grounded to our room for the rest of the day. That didn't stop our wetting, so dad started preparing our dinner plates and setting them on the floor where we had to get on our knees, put our hands behind our backs, and eat like (bleeping) dogs! That was just the beginning. Our attempts to avoid such punishments resulted in worse ones. Over the next six years I endured: being diapered in the living room nightly in front of whomever and remaining in diapers until they were removed for me sometime the next morning, drinking milk from a baby bottle at dinner every night, wearing diapers all weekend if I wet more than three or four days the previous week, a few thousand spankings, wearing pissy diapers around my neck. I can go on and on, but you get the picture. It all culminated in my being completely infantilized for ten days at eleven years old. (My sister (13) was made my "mommy" for that experience. She administered my spankings and bathed, diapered, dressed, and (bottle and spoon) fed me. I was taken "potty" to poop and she wiped me afterwards. About the only thing I was allowed to do for myself was hang my diapers, dresses and such on the clothesline to dry while wearing only diapers. It was the only time I didn't have to crawl while at home.) As horrendous as all that is, my experiences are not that uncommon among male ABDL's. Our parent's went overboard in punishing and humiliating us. Some were made to wear diapers and/or dresses in public, babied in front of friends and relatives, ridiculed, spanked and beaten... the kinds of things that I see kids saying are done to them on the 'big kids board.' Parents, doing these things will ensure that your otherwise normal child will use diapers for the rest of his life. In fact, he will search out "doms" who will do the same things his parents did - for a price - because that will be the ONLY way he can be satisfied sexually. We don't CHOOSE to be diaper fetishists, we are MADE that way by our caretakers. Another common way males become ABDL's is by being very lovingly diapered by their mothers long after infancy. Maybe it's for a daytime toileting accident, or maybe for bedwetting, but, at some point, they are made to feel just like a well-cared for infant. 'Mommy' powders them, coos or speaks baby-talk, maybe huggs or cuddles them, whatever. What really happens is that the child receives erotic feelings by being put in diapers. It only takes once and can happen anytime after about five or six years old. BUT, the more a female parent diapers a male child - and the older the child is - the greater the liklihood that the male will become a diaper fetishist. If she does it during or after puberty, I can almost guarantee it will happen (there is also a very high liklihood he will develop a serious personality disorder or other mental problem.) The odds are greatly increased also if the mother is usually distant, punitive, or unloving and this is one of the few loving encounters the boy has with his mother - even if she is intending the episode to be punitive or shaming! The third way is to make the child feel so ashamed of himself for being a bedwetter that he "punishes" himself by putting himself in diapers and/or babies himself. This is what my parents did and my fetish years began by my punishing myself for continuing to wet the bed at 14 by putting myself back in diapers. I even used a belt to spank myself and left bruises and welts on my rear end hitting myself so hard. I was such a baby - in my mind - that I deserved what happened to me AND DID IT TO MYSELF! A parent doesn't have to go as far overboard as mine did to accomplish the same thing. All that is required is that the parent repeatedly shame the child for wetting himself. Now, I know that every child is, at some point in their early years, shamed for wetting themselves. It is a very common method used in toilet learning. Even if the parents of the child don't do it, at some time someone will. Especially another child - a three or four year old will wet themselves while playing, and some five or six year old will make fun of them and call them a baby. I think it is almost an integral part of the toilet learning process. However, if it is used frequently, or is an important part of the child's toilet training, OR IS USED TO STOP THE CHILD FROM BEDWETTING, the child will become self-punishing - especially as they get older. They will become ashamed of themselves and will use that shame to stop themselves from being so 'babyish.' This is what is happening to these boys who get on sites such as this one who are trying to find out how to get diapers without their parents finding out they are (still) wetting their beds. Unfortunately, at their ages they are also becoming sexually oriented and the two will become enmeshed with each other: sexual arousal and satisfaction will require diapers and progress to other baby paraphenalia and fantasies. You see, it really is quite easy to turn your bedwetter into an ABDL - you don't have to do any more than what too many parents do anyway! That is why a Johnson & Johnson survey found that 7% of adults use diapers in their sexual games at some point in their adult lives, and why places like this become inundated with ABDL'rs. Well, I have gone on long enough (perhaps too long!) My main points are - if you don't want your child to as screwed up as I am, that is - teach your child in words and actions that bedwetting is not bad, wrong, or shameful, but a normal part of growing up for 20% of all children; let your child decide how he or she will best deal with wet beds (beyond their eighth birthday diapers need to be their choice alone) and let them deal with it themselves (the parents role should be to make it as easy for them to take care of as possible, to make sure they do deal with it, and to be supportive of them); keep it private (let them decide who THEY will tell); and do not punish the child in any way, shape or form. One author in a book about bedwetting said that there has not been one documented case of a child stopping wetting their bed because they were spanked and "any child that does stop bedwetting because of a spanking is not worth raising in the first place." I personnally guarantee you that spanking your child for bedwetting will cause the 'problem' to get worse and last longer than it otherwise would have!!!! (That has been documented) When I get some more time I will write as to why any person or group that uses or pushes just one method to 'cure' all bedwetters isn't worth listening to, and is certainly not worth paying. *If you have gotten this far, thank you for caring so much about your child.*