Forgive me if this question seems direct, but how disabled is your child? Is it possible to negotiate with her about using the toilet occasionally? Can you perhaps take her there after a meal or perhaps 30mins after her last intake of water? I am not suggesting you cart her off to the toilet a dozen times a day, but just occasionally might get her used to the idea of using the toilet herself. It can't be pleasant for her to lose her pants and diapers when she has wet, especially if she does so in front of friends.